


When You Say Nothing At All

by Hobbit69



Series: Soulmates with a Twist [1]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV), The Bane Chronicles - Sarah Rees Brennan & Cassandra Clare & Maureen Johnson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, F/M, Insecurity, M/M, Magnus Bane Being Magnus Bane, Muteness, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, mentioned child with cancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-22 14:27:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8288957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hobbit69/pseuds/Hobbit69
Summary: In a world where the first thing your soulmate says to you is imprinted on the inside of your left wrist, Magnus Bane is different. His bare wrist indicates one of the loveless, one who'd been deemed unworthy of the gift of a soulmate. Assuming he'll spend his life alone, Magnus dances through life, not making any meaningful connections beyond his two best friends (and one who didn't claim him).It didn't matter what he did since no one would ever love him.He's never been so pleased to be wrong.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Español available: [Cuando No Dices Nada en Absoluto- When You Say Nothing at All](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10545128) by [merrick_ds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/merrick_ds/pseuds/merrick_ds)



> Hi! I'm super happy to share this one with y'all!!  
> I'd like to thank the lovely and talented swampygreenie for inspiring this one with the prompt: 
> 
> *soulmate au where you have the first words your soulmate ever speaks to you on your skin but you don’t have anything on your wrist and so you live your whole life with this feeling of being alone but then one day you meet someone and you say something really stupid and they just stand there in shock but they can’t explain why and you assume it’s because what you said offended them and you start to apologize but they shake their head and scramble to lift the sleeve of their shirt and there on their wrist are the words you just fucking said and you start to cry because you have to tell this person that it must be a coincidence because you don’t have a soulmate and you lift up your sleeve to show that there’s nothing there and they grab your face and smile so big and reach into their pocket to pull out a note they must have carried around for a long time because society demands because there on that paper are the words “I’m mute”*
> 
> So here it is, hope you enjoy!!

*Day One*

 

Their server at Meatless was a lovely red-head who had an easy smile. “Do you know what you want?” she asked.

“Got anything with meat?” Magnus joked. He didn’t understand why Catarina had chosen to become a vegan. This place was nice and all, but Magnus _needed_ meat. It was necessary to keep his body going. That was why Catarina was a waif.

Magnus, however, had a rangy body, tall and, while a little on the slender side, strong. His almond-shaped eyes stood out of his caramel colored face thanks to their gold-green color.

Their server laughed delightedly. “You sound like my brother-in-law. My mate loves this place, but his brother isn’t convinced. He likes the veggie burger, so you may as well.”

Nodding, Magnus said, “Sure, I’ll try it.”

The girl nodded and turned to Catarina. “And for you?”

“Could I have the bell pepper hash, please?”

“Of course. I’ll put these in for you.”

Magnus sipped his water, watching the girl, Clary according to her name tag, move to a screen to put in their orders.

“She has a mate,” Catarina said, her tone scolding.

“Huh?” Magnus asked, his attention drawn to her.

The girl was pretty, but Magnus wasn’t interested in her. He didn’t expect Cat to understand. Her wrist was adorned with a scrawl of black, indicating the first words her mate ever said to her: _Excuse me, miss. You dropped your scarf._

The first words _Ragnor Fell_ had spoken to her.

Magnus’s bare left wrist marked him more than Catarina’s embellished one.

His soul, as it had no second half, was repulsive, contemptible.

Magnus was so disgusting that his own mother had hanged herself and his stepfather had tried to drown him. 

So, he tried not to take things too seriously. If he was going to live and die without true love, Magnus was going to have fun and not get too close to others. With the exception of Catarina Loss and Ragnor Fell (and Raphael Santiago, _sometimes_ ),

“Don’t obsess over your wrist,” Catarina said.

“That’s easy for you to say,” Magnus snapped. “ _You_ have a mate. You have love. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. Do you think it’s easy to know I’ll never have what you have?”

“Magnus-“

“C’mon, Cat,” Magnus interrupted. “I’m going to be alone for my entire life. Let me have what fun I can.”

“Just because you don’t have a soulmate doesn’t mean no on loves you. I love you. Ragnor loves you. Raphael. . . tolerates you.”

Magnus snorted. “Raphael doesn’t love anybody.”

But he would one day, if the black words written on the inside of his wrist were any indication. Catarina nodded in agreement as Clary set their plates in front of them. “We’ve just taken out a batch of cupcakes. They’re really good. Even Alec likes them.”

“Your brother-in-law?” Magnus asked.

Clary nodded. “It’s a big deal because he doesn’t like much, so you know this cupcakes are boss.”

The bell over the door jingled as someone entered. Clary’s face brightened when a tall man with gold hair in a black, leather jacket, black cargo pants, and a pair of black combat boots entered. “I’ll be back to check on you in a minute.”

Magnus realized too late that the fingerless gloves he’d chosen to wear _may_ have been a mistake, given the fact that he’d ordered a veggie burger, but they looked so good with his olive, military cut, studded jacket, and high collared, slate grey shirt and jeans.

He may not have had a soulmate, but he liked to look good.

He’d just bitten into the juicy and surprisingly delicious, burger (Clary’s brother-in-law needed to be commended on his taste), when the single most beautiful person Magnus had _ever_ seen entered. He was taller than Clary’s mate (Magnus assumed that was her mate as he kissed her), his hair was the color of sable and his clothes were _**atrocious**_. The beauty wore a gray sweater that had, at one time, been green. It was worn and soft from many washes. He turned and looked at Magnus. The beauty’s eyes were blue. . . _so_ blue. 

Those blue eyes flicked away from him and he watched Clary and her mate.

“Magnus?” Catarina said, snapping her fingers near Magnus’s face. 

“Hmm?” Magnus asked.

“Are you watching the guy who just walked in?” 

Magnus set the burger down. “He’s . . . lovely.”

Catarina didn’t often encourage Magnus’s desire to date. He just wanted to be touched, to touch. Magnus wanted to feel as if someone cared for and wanted him, someone who didn’t think of him as a friend. Magnus would never have a soulmate, would never have _love_ , but, perhaps, he could have something close for a while.

Blue Eyes took a bag from Clary and gestured to the blond man. When he left the restaurant, Magnus bolted, following the beauty. Blue Eyes stood taller than most others on the sidewalk and Magnus moved swiftly around them to reach him. 

Reaching out, Magnus gripped the beauty’s shoulder. The sweater beneath people on the sidewalk.

Reaching out, Magnus gripped the beauty’s shoulder. The sweater beneath Magnus’s fingers was soft, as were the blue eyes that met Magnus’s. 

Magnus’s mind went completely blank. 

He _literally_ had no idea what to say to this man, so Magnus said the fist thing that popped into his head, “Blink if you want me.”

_Wait. What?!_

The stunning man stared at Magnus, one inky eyebrow raised.

Feeling stupid, Magnus prepared to apologize. “Uh. . . I’m-“

The other man reached out and stopped him from speaking. Magnus watched him tug the arm of the left sleeve of his sweater up, baring one delicate, porcelain wrist.

Scrawled in black were the words that this man’s soulmate should utter to him.

_Blink_

_if you_

_want me._

“I. . . I don’t. . .” Magnus pulled his sleeve over his left wrist, revealing bare skin. “I don’t have a soulmate.” 

Blue eyes stared down at the blank flesh, then his amazing eyes rose again to meet Magnus’s. Pulling out a notepad and pen, he quickly scribbled something and held it out to Magnus.

On the pad, the stunning man had written two words. Two words that changed everything.

_I’m mute._

Magnus stared at the words, stunned, unable to form words. His entire life, he’d thought he didn’t have a soulmate, but he’d been wrong. He _did_ have a soulmate; a beautiful soulmate, whose first words to Magnus weren’t on his wrist because he _couldn’t speak_. 

“You can’t speak and my wrist is bare.”

A nod.

“You’re. . . you’re my. . .”

The angel before Magnus nodded again.

“I’m. . . I’m not unloveable,” Magnus whispered.

The angel took the notepad from Magnus’s hand and scribbled something upon it.

 _I’m Alec. You’re_ _not_ _unlovable._

“I’m Magnus. Magnus Bane.” He took Alec’s hand in a firm grip.

The corner of Alec’s lips rose in a shy grin. 

Magnus had a soulmate. 

Who watched him questioningly. . .

“Uh. . . sorry. I always thought I didn’t have a soulmate.”

Alec nodded in understanding. 

“Hey, dude. I got you a cupcake. You ready?”

The blond arrived and looked between the two men. Alec turned to him and began to gesture to the new comer.

It took Magnus a moment to realize that he was signing.  _This_ was how he communicated. 

The blond held out his hand. “I’m Jace Lightwood. You know my brother, Alec. Did you really say that shit?” Jace asked, pointing at Alec’s arm.

“Uh. . . yeah.”

Jace howled with laughter only to receive a punch in the arm from Alec. “Ow. Sorry, dude. I’ve been waiting years to meet the person who says that.”

Alec signed something to Jace. 

“Yeah, I know.”

Alec continued to sign.

“Shut up,” Jace replied.

Magnus had no idea what Alec had said, but he loved that Alec was defending him (or so he thought, anyway).

The angel continued to sign to Jace, as if he were giving a long lecture.

“Yeah, yeah, dude. Shut up and give ‘im your number. We gotta get back to work.” Jace turned to Magnus. “It was nice to meet you , Magnus. I’m sure I’ll see more of you.” 

Magnus hadn’t given Jace his name, so he assumed Alec had. Alec’s cheeks pinkened adorably. Magnus found that he wanted to bring blood to this high, pale cheekbones again. Magnus held his phone out to Alec, open to a new contact. While Alec entered his cell number, Catarina approached with two to-go boxes in a plastic, handled bag. 

Catarina smiled at Alec, who gave the phone back to Magnus. 

“I’ll text you,” Magnus said.

Alec nodded, a minute shadow of doubt in this fathomless blue eyes. He walked away from Magnus with Jace, sending a slight wave. Magnus watched Alec leave and grinned when Alec looked over his shoulder, back at him.

“So you got a number?”

Smirking, Magnus looked at the screen of his phone. Alec had entered his number and beside his name and left a note in the contacts: YOUR SOULMATE.

_His soulmate._

Looking at Catarina, Magnus said, “Yeah. He’s my soulmate.”

Catarina started. “What?”

“He had the idiotic thing that popped out of my mouth on his wrist.”

“But your wrist. . .?” Catarina queried. “It’s blank.”

“He’s mute, Cat. He can’t talk.”

“I think you can handle that, Magnus. You talk enough for the both of you. 

 

*Day Nine*

 

Magnus hadn’t seen Alec since the day they’d met, but they had texted each other every day.

As soon as he’d arrived home, Magnus had researched American Sign Language. It was complicated and confusing, but Magnus figured if he worked at it, he could learn it. 

Magnus’s sometimes-friend, Raphael, wasn’t pleased with Magnus’s soulmate. He’d stormed into Magnus’s loft three days earlier, after Ragnor and Catarina had told him that Magnus’s soulmate was Alec Lightwood.

Magnus had been sitting at his drawing board, working on his line for next fall, when Ragnor had entered.

“So. . . you have a soulmate after all?”

Setting down his pen, Magnus had replied, “Yeah. It’s really random and strange, but. . . yeah. Against all of the odds, I have one.”

“I know him,” Raphael had blurted. 

One black eyebrow rose. “Is that right?”

Raphael paced. “He’s a competitor.”

Leaning back in his chair, Magnus had grinned. “Oh?”

Raphael owned a security firm where he shored up the security of homes and businesses, including their cybernetic works. “Yeah,” Raphael snarled. “Alexander Lightwood and his _brother_ work for The Institute. That’s the largest firm in my business. Jace Lightwood is supposedly the best.”

“Are you _worried_ , Raphael?”

“No,” Raphael had replied immediately. “I’m not worried. Though, if I thought you’d do it, I’d have you spy on him.”

“You’re right. I wouldn’t do that.”

Raphael had left, having said his piece, and Magnus had continued to read up on ASL and work on his designs.

Their first date arrived and was an unmitigated disaster.

Magnus took Alec to an Ethiopian restaurant. Things were going fine until Magnus’s ex, Richard, arrived.

Alec smiled shyly at Magnus, listening to his nervous chatter. Magnus wasn’t really sure what exactly he was saying, but he kept the string of words coming.

“You bastard,” someone said from behind Magnus.

Turning, Magnus found Richard, his most recent ex-lover standing there in a well-tailored grey suit and holding a glass of wine. 

“Richard?”

Alec looked between them, confused.

“I gave you the best years of my life, and you move on _this_ quickly?”

“We dated for three months, Richard. You cheated on me, remember?”

“I found my soulmate,” Richard argued.

“That doesn’t mean you can just move on without informing your current lover.”

“Everything is wonderful now, Magnus. Thanks for asking. But I can see you’re here, scraping the bottom of the barrel.”

Magnus’s gold-green eyes narrowed. “Watch how you talk about my mate, Richard.”

Richard scoffed. “You don’t _have_ a mate.”

Alec glared and began to stand, but Magnus reached out and took Alec’s hand in a firm, but gentle grip. “I do, Richard.”

Holding Alec’s hand, Magnus said nothing else.

Richard looked down at Alec, whose narrowed blue eyes glared back at him.  “Don’t get too close to ‘im, pal. He’ll just ride you hard and put you away wet.”

Magnus didn’t need to know ASL to understand what the single finger Alec rose toward Richard meant. This made Magnus snort. “Move along, Richard. I don’t think my mate is going to tolerate your shit.”

“What’s wrong with him?” Richard asked.

“Nothing is _wrong_ with him,” Magnus snarled.

Alec’s hand tightened around Magnus’s, stopping him from laying into Richard.

Smirking, Richard replied, “Your mate is defective, Magnus. Figures that’s who you’d end up with.”

With a gleeful snicker, Richard strolled away.

Alec held tight to Magnus, an anchor and the only thing stopping Magnus from going after Richard.

“I’m so sorry, Alexander. He was completely out of line.”

Alec sent him a slight smile and nodded.

So. . . their first date was a friggin’ disaster.

But after they left the restaurant, things got _much_ better.

Having chosen a restaurant in Brooklyn, Magnus allowed Alec to walk him home. Uncomfortable in the silence, Magnus filled it with narratives of his time with the monks in Indonesia. Alec listened attentively as Magnus expected. His silent laughter warmed Magnus.

“He made me laugh so much. He _honestly_ thought he was punishing me. I can't imagine what Brother Enoch would think if he knew I’d learned to love sewing because he made me do the mending when I misbehaved.”

Alec smiled at Magnus and took his hand, interlocking their fingers. Magnus’s cheeks heated with pleasure. At Magnus’s apartment, Alec remained on the stoop as if he were going to leave as soon as Magnus was safely tucked inside. 

“Would you like to come inside? I’ll make drinks.”

Alec smiled and nodded, following Magnus inside.

Alec watched Magnus mix their drinks. It had taken all night, but Magnus finally felt comfortable in the silence. When their beverages were ready, Magnus sat on the couch beside Alec. 

The silence between them was comfortable. Magnus had thought it would be awkward, but Alec put him at ease.

Alec wrote something in his pad and handed it to Magnus.

_You don’t have to answer this. . . Why did you live with monks?_

Magnus smiled sadly. He didn’t want to scare Alec, but he also didn’t want to lie. 

“When I was nine, my mother, who’d always suffered from depression, hanged herself in our barn. I found her when I went into the barn to do my chores. I remember. . . I was going to milk the cows. She was there, hanging from one of the support beams in the stall. 

“I ran. I had to find my father. He’d make everything better. I found him beside a pond on our farm. He was just staring out at the water, his hands in his pockets. I told him about my mother, but he already knew.” Magnus paused as Alec took his hand and the slid his other arm around Magnus’s shoulders, holding him close. “He. . . He told me it was my fault she was dead. She’d killed herself because I was an abomination. I was one of the unlovable and she couldn’t stand the sight of me. My father, who wasn’t _actually_ my father, shoved me into the water.”

Alec gasped, just an intake of breath, and held Magnus tighter against him.

“He held me under,” Magnus whispered, knowing that this date was going _terrible_ since he felt as if he were going to cry. “I. . . couldn’t breathe. I. . . I was backing out. I was. . . dying. There were no rocks, just mud. I couldn’t get away. I took a handful of mud and threw it in his face. He let me go and I pushed him into the water and ran to our church. My father was found dead in the pond, and I was taken to the Silent Brothers.”

_Silent Brothers?_

“Yes. They all took a vow of Silence.”

_So you’re used to people not talking to you._

Magnus smiled. “Pretty much. I’m learning ASL so you don’t have to write everything down for me.”

Alec kissed Magnus’s cheek to show appreciation.

Picking up his notebook, Alec began to write. Magnus’s wine had run out, so he stood and fixed himself another drink. Alec was finished by the time Magnus returned to the couch. 

Alec held out the notebook and Magnus took it, realizing that Alec was giving him _his_ backstory.

_I spoke when I was a kid. I had cancer of the larynx when I was nine. I had to do all of the treatments to get rid of it and a lot of surgeries until my vocal cords were so damaged, I couldn’t use my voice. By the time I was twelve, I was cancer free, but the damage was done. I couldn’t speak, so I started learning to sign. My brother and sister learned, too and they taught our youngest brother, Max. My parents know some, but they rely on Max to translate for them._

Magnus turned to look at Alec. Alec’s eyes met Magnus’s and he leaned forward until his lips met Magnus’s. 

Inhaling, Magnus cupped Alec’s cheek, angling his face so he could deepen the kiss. Alec’s arms wound around Magnus, his tongue slipped into Magnus’s mouth, tasting him shyly. 

Magnus couldn’t remember a kiss that had been this good.

It was as if he’d always been missing something.

He _had._

Magnus had been missing _Alec_. He was missing his soulmate.

Alec pressed Magnus into the sofa, his lips never relinquishing their hold on Magnus’s. Magnus’s fingers sank into Alec’s  ebony hair, and he continued to kiss his mate. 

Alec’s lips left his to trail down Magnus’s throat, nipping and suckling at the caramel column. 

Magnus moaned.

He _knew_ Alec had never had a lover, had never even _kissed_ , but Magnus found himself unable to stop himself from falling into each of Alec’s kisses. Magnus had had several lovers (he enjoyed sex after all), but none compared to what Alec was doing to his body, his mind, his soul. 

“Alec,” Magnus sighed, feeling Alec cup his growing erection. “We should probably stop before this gets out of hand.”

Alec shook his head and went back to kissing Magnus.

“Come, darling,” Magnus admonished, pulling Alec back so he could look into his mate’s eyes. “This isn’t how your first time should go. I _will_ make love to you, Alexander, but this isn’t the way I want this to go for you.”

Leaning back, Alec sighed and nodded.

Magnus hated the look of disappointed look on Alec’s face.

Alec stood and moved away from Magnus. Gripping Alec’s hand, Magnus said, “I want you. Don’t think I don’t. But your first time shouldn’t be on my sofa after our first date.”

Alec’s eyes softened and he nodded, understanding. Leaning over, Alec gave Magnus another long kiss then stepped away, indicating that he was going to leave. Magnus walked him to the door and kissed him again before allowing him to leave the room.

That night, Magnus fell asleep smiling and dreamed of blue eyes and soft lips. 

 

*Day Thirty-Eight*

 

Magnus was more nervous than he thought he’d be. He’d never introduced a lover to his friends, and Alec was the most important of his potential lovers.

He and Alec had been together for about a month, and Magnus found himself falling in love with Alec. Magnus had never felt this way about anyone and he wanted to make his friends love Alec, too.

Magnus _knew_ they would because Alec was perfect. 

Catarina was the first to arrive at Magnus’s loft, and Magnus knew the look on her face.

Apprehension.

“Don’t be nervous, Cat,” Magnus said, leading her to the kitchen. “You’re going to adore him.”

Catarina took a deep breath, as if she were farad to say what she was thinking. “Magnus. . .  I’m worried about _you_.”

“Me?” Magnus asked with a confused smile. “Why?”

“Because you’re not acting like yourself. Alec Lightwood is changing you.”

“Of course he is. He’s my soulmate. He’s making me _better_.”

“Is he?” Catarina queried. “You haven’t been hanging out with us much lately.”

Magnus set a serving dish on the counter harder than necessary. “Alec is so pure, Cat. He’s so good. I feel tainted in comparison to him.”

“How can your bond be valid? True? You’re so different. If he makes you feel like you’re less, how can he be right for you?”

Magnus _felt_ his bond with Alec all the way into his soul, but he also knew that Alec was too good for him.

“I just don’t think Alec is right for you, Magnus.”

Hearing a shuffle beside the entrance of the kitchen, Magnus turned to find Alec framed in the doorway. His blue eyes met Magnus’s gold-green ones, and were filled with. . . despair and fear.

Before Magnus or Catarina could say anything, Alec turned, got his coat off of the back of the couch and slipped out the door.

“Shit,” Magnus spat. “You just couldn’t keep your opinion to yourself, could you?”

“Magnus-“

“No, Cat. You’re _wrong_. Alec is. . . _everything_. I’m in love with him.”

_I’m in love with him._

Magnus didn’t bother to put on shoes, just bolted out the door. 

He found Alec two blocks East of his loft.  

“Alexander,” he panted.

Alec turned and, seeing Magnus’s bare feet, pointed back in the direction of Magnus’s loft.

“We need to talk about what Catarina said.”

Alec held up a hand to stop Magnus and began to sign.

Magnus was still learning ASL, so by the time he deciphered what Alec was saying, his blue eyed angel was gone.

_It’s okay, M. I knew I didn’t deserve someone as wonderful as you._

Magnus couldn’t find Alec again.

When he stumbled into his loft, everyone was there.

“Did you find him?” Catarina asked.

“I found him,” Magnus replied, putting his shoes and socks on. “When you _actually_ meet him, Cat, you’re apologizing. He thinks he’s not good enough for _me_.”

Picking up his phone from the counter, Magnus said, “I’m leaving. Eat whatever.”

Raphael’s snort could be heard from the hall, but Magnus didn’t stop. He rushed out of his building, texting furiously.

 

_Darling, please answer me. Please don’t ignore me. —MB 1331_

 

_Alec? —MB 1338_

 

_Alec? —MB 1339_

 

_Alec, answer me. I need to know you’re okay. —MB 1342_

 

Unable to reach Alec, Magnus texted Jace.

 

_Alec isn’t responding to my texts. Please check on him. —MB 1345_

 

**Sure. Isn’t he supposed to be with you? —JL 1347**

 

_He was, but one of my friends said something stupid. I’m on my way to his apartment now. —MB 1349_

 

**I’ll keep him there. —JL 1351**

 

After forty-five agonizing minutes on the train, Magnus _finally_ made it to Manhattan and Alec’s building

Unsure if Alec would let him in, Magnus pressed the buzzer for Alec’s apartment. Jace’s voice came through the speaker.

“Yes?”

“It’s me,” Magnus replied, relief flooding him at the knowledge that Alec wasn’t alone up there.

“Me who?” Jace asked. 

“Jace!” Magnus shouted.

“No. . . I’m Jace.”

“Let me in,” Magnus growled.

“I don’t- ow!”

Magnus heard the smack through the speaker. A woman’s voice came through next. “Come right up.”

As he stepped off of the elevator, Magnus was met by a stunning woman with Alec’s skin and hair. He eyes, however were the color of pitch. She held out her hand to him. “I’m Isabelle Lightwood, Alec’s sister.”

Magnus smiled. “He’s always mentioning you.”

“He should,” Isabelle said with an appealing laugh. “I’m his favorite sibling.”

Magnus didn’t argue, though he knew Alec would die for any one of his three siblings.

Isabelle closed the door behind Magnus. “He’s in the kitchen. Jace is distracting him.”

“Is he okay?” Magnus asked, needing to know that his mate was all right.

Isabelle smiled, patting Magnus’s shoulder. “He’s okay. He’s just upset. When. . .” Isabelle paused. “I was seven when the doctors found the cancer. We were afraid he’d never get to meet his soulmate, but the words on his wrist always gave him hope.

“After the surgery, the doctor told us he probably wouldn’t talk again. But he tried. He tried so hard. I think he still tries. He used to tell us he needed to make sure his soulmate would know it was him. He was so worried about his mate. . . you.”

“I knew it was him,” Magnus whispered to her.

Isabelle nodded, tears clinging to her dark lashes. “When we were teenagers, Alec used to question if he could ever be good enough for his mate. He _still_ wonders if he can live up to you. He. . . He’s afraid of being a burden.

“Never,” Magnus said. “He could _never_ be a burden. He’s. . . He’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met.”

Isabelle grinned at Magnus. “Perfect. Let’s go, Jace!” she yelled, slipping a scarlet coat on over the short silver dress and picking up a large handbag.

Jace nodded to Magnus as he passed. Alec came out of the kitchen in time to see Jace close the door behind him.

Seeing Magnus, Alec looked down at the hardwood floor, color high on his cheeks.

“Alexander, my darling. Don’t you know it’s rude to leave in the middle of a conversation?”

Alec moved to the pad on the bedside table, but Magnus reached out and grabbed Alec’s hand. “Sign it. Go slowly.”

Alec gently pulled his hand from Magnus’s and began to sign slowly.

_I didn’t want you to see me like that._

“You don’t have to hide anything from me. If you feel something, you need to tell me. I’m your mate, darling. It’s my job to take care of you, to see to your needs.”

_Perhaps we weren’t meant to be mates._

Magnus gripped Alec’s broad shoulders. “Don’t think that Alexander. I spent my entire life thinking that I’d never have this. I never thought I’d have _you_. Here you are. I have you and I won’t let you go.”

_What if it doesn’t work?_

“We have to work at it, my Alec. That’s how love works. if it were easy, we wouldn’t have to search for our mates.”

_Love?_

Magnus hadn’t realized he said it. Magnus _was_ in love with Alec, but he hadn’t meant to admit it so soon.

Taking a deep breath, Magnus said, “Yes. Love. I love you, Alec. I was going to wait a little while to tell you, but. . . I guess the cat’s outta the bag now.”

Alec smiled brilliantly at Magnus. _You love me?_

Magnus shook his head with a soft smile. “Of course I love you, idiot.”

Taking Alec’s jaw in his hands, stood on his toes and kissed him, using his lips to worship Alec’s. Eager and intent, Magnus deepened the kiss, enjoying the feel of his mate against him.

Alec pulled back and looked down and Magnus. Then, suddenly, Alec bent over and took Magnus’s lips. They shared breaths. They touched one another. Hand-to-hand. Tongue-to-tongue. Magnus withheld nothing. Alec’s arms went around Magnus, one hand cupping his bottom to pull him closer.

Magnus felt Alec against him, hard, hot, and heavy.

Magnus’s lips dragged along Alec’s throat, nuzzling the flesh, his breath hot against the porcelain skin. Alec’s hands tightened on Magnus, one still on Magnus’s rear, the other around Magnus’s shoulders.

Magnus mouth kissed, nipped, and licked the column of Alec’s neck.

Hearing Alec’s sharp intake of breath, Magnus smiled. It was disconcerting to know that he was having an effect on Alec, but couldn’t _hear_ it. He was used to his lovers making noises, letting him know that they enjoyed what he was doing. But Alec didn’t do that.

Magnus maneuvered Alec into the bedroom, his lips and hands on Alec the entire time. Magnus's hands slid down to palm Alec’s erection. Alec’s head fell back and Magnus thought he would have moaned if he could have.

Magnus slowly removed Alec’s hideous sweater, kissing all of the skin exposed. Alec was the most beautiful person Magnus had ever seen. He muttered against Alec’s skin, words of love and praise. 

Alec arched and fell back onto the bed, breath expelling as he hit the mattress. Magnus tugged off Alec’s jeans and touched his lips against Alec’s bare chest. He kissed his way over each globe of his hard chest. Alec’s body was all porcelain and rangy muscle.

Alec’s fingers were clumsy as he unbuttoned Magnus’s emerald, silk shirt. Magnus held still for him, letting him unfasten the clothes. Magnus watched Alec with hot gold-green eyes. Once Alec had the shirt unbuttoned, Magnus stripped off the silk and carelessly tossed it aside.

Alec fumbled with Magnus’s slacks. “Let me darling.”

Alec shook his head, determined to take off Magnus’s clothes himself.

Magnus held still, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Alec ran one pale knuckle over Magnus’s taut stomach.

Alec signed before he tugged at the slacks. _Your pants are too tight._

Laughing, Magnus replied, “They aren’t usually, but you make them so.”

Alec’s full lips quirked up as his fingers tightened on the waistband of Magnus’s pants. As Alec _finally_ got them unfastened, Magnus mouthed his thumb over Alec’s bottom lip. “You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.”

Alec’s cheek warmed and he looked up at Magnus with wonder. Magnus didn’t think that anyone had ever praised Alec. Magnus swore he’d always tell Alec how wonderful he is, how much Magnus he’d always tell Alec how wonderful he was, how much Magnus wanted him. “Oh, darling. What am I going to do with you?”

Alec signed, _Keep me._

With that, he went back to work on Magnus’s trousers. His fingers trembled as he reached into Magnus’s boxers and gripped him. Magnus groaned and wrapped his arms around him, shivering as Alec stroked him.

Magnus’s lips sought Alec’s in a kiss and rose above Alec. 

“Alexander,” Magnus whispered as he struggled out of the rest of his clothes and bent over to nibble on Alec’s shoulder. Alec arched beneath him, into the hot, wet mouth, his restless tongue. Alec’s arms slid around Magnus, attempting to bring him closer. 

“Wait, love,” Magnus replied. “Do you have lube?”

Alec nodded and indicated the drawer in the bedside table. Despite Alec’s attempts to keep him there, Magnus extricated himself form Alec’s arms. He reached into the drawer and pulled out a brand new bottle of lube; the safety plastic still covered the opening. Magnus took the precious few moments he could have used to make love to his mate in order to open the lube.

Squeezing a small amount onto his fingers, Magnus pressed his lips against Alec’s cheek. “I’m sorry, love. I just need to get your body ready for mine.”

 _Hurry,_ Alec signed as Magnus spread his legs and pressed against Alec and circling his lubricated fingers around Alec’s entrance. Alec’s breath came out in puffs, his hand thrown back. Magnus couldn’t tell if he did so in pain or pleasure.

“Are you all right, Alexander?”

Frustrated, Alec nodded and tugged Magnus’s hand tighter against his body. Grinning, Magnus pressed one finger past the tight ring of muscle. Alec sucked in a deep breath and Magnus was sure that he would have cried out if he could.

“Have you ever touched yourself like this, my Alec?”

Arching, Alec nodded, his chest heaving with his desperate breaths.

“Good, darling,” Magnus replied, slowly thrusting his finger in and out of Alec. “You’re doing so well, you’re so beautiful.”

Alec arched under his praise, and his fisted right hand circled over his smooth, muscular chest.

_Please._

Magnus pressed a second finger to Alec, thrusting a little quicker, a little harder, scissoring his fingers, stretching Alec for him. It hit Magnus then that he should have asked Alec if this was okay. 

“Are you all right, darling?”

Alec nodded frantically, signing with fumbling fingers. _Now. Please_.

"One more finger, darling.”

True to his word, Magnus added a third finger and pressed farther into Alec, tickling the bundle of nerves he found there. Alec’s breathing stopped and his shoulders coming off of the bed.  

_Now._

Chuckling, Magnus pulled his fingers out of Alec’s body and squeezed a few drops of lube on the tip of his erection.

“Are you sure?” Magnus queried.

Alec nodded, spreading his legs farther apart and tugging on Magnus’s shoulders. 

Magnus held himself in one hand, guiding his flesh to Alec’s entrance. Alec sighed and arched again.

“Does it hurt, darling?” Magnus panted, overwhelmed by the feel of Alec’s channel.

Alec’s arms slid around Magnus’s waist, pressing kisses to his cheeks, neck, and ears. 

Magnus took that as a ‘no.’

Magnus groaned his name and surged into Alec, alert to every subtle response; lingering when Alec was pleased, pressing deeper when Alec lifted, giving Alec pleasure. Alec’s hands slid over Magnus’s back, eliciting a moan from him.

Even though Magnus couldn’t hear Alec’s responses, he knew, instinctively when his mate enjoyed something. Each time he thrust in, finding Alec’s sensitive prostate, Alec arched and sucked in a breath.

When Alec’s hands slid down Magnus’s back to grip his bottom, Magnus’s thrusts grew more frantic, more forceful, a quiet grunt escaping his throat.

Magnus reached between them and gripped Alec’s engorged flesh. Alec’s breathing stopped. When Magnus looked down at him, he saw that Alec’s hand was thrown back, his blue eyes open, dark with desire and pleasure. Magnus stroked Alec in time to with his thrusts. Magnus wanted to discover more about Alec, all the ways to please him.

When Alec’s channel clinched around him in strong spasms, his seed flooding over Magnus’s hand and their stomachs, Magnus felt his own orgasm coming, with a harsh cry, he sank into Alec with one last thrust and shuddered with his release. It was the most indescribably amazing climax of his life. Alec felt so. . . right.

Panting, Alec cradled Magnus’s hand and looked into his gold-green eyes. He stroked Magnus’s lips of his thumbs. Without saying a word, Alec was telling Magnus that he loved him. Magnus leaned down and pressed his lips against Alec’s.

“You are the best thing to happen to me.”

 

*Day Sixty-two*

 

Holding Alec against him, Magnus stroked his dark hair. They’d spent every night since they’d first made love together at either Alec's apartment or at Magnus’s. Magnus wanted more, though. 

“I think you should move in here,” Magnus blurted without thinking.

Alec sat up and looked down at Magnus. His eyes softened and one corer of his mouth turned up. Leaning down, Alec kissed Magnus, then nodded.

“Really?” Magnus asked. He hadn’t expected Alec to agree. They’d only known each other a couple of months.

Alec nodded, his smile widening.

Magnus kissed Alec long and hard. “I love you, _sayang_.”

Alec signed, _I love you, too._

 

*Day Seventy-four*

 

Magnus placed the last of Alec’s boxes in the living room. it was almost upsetting to see how Spartan Alec lived. He had three boxes of clothes and two boxes of dishes. One box contained pictures and other nicknacks.

“Alexander, darling. You need more. We loaded everything into a cab.”

Alec shrugged and opened his box.

“I mean, I know your apartment was small, but it _had_ to be big enough for a TV.”

_I don’t watch TV._

Alec was a reader. He religiously visited the library. He didn’t have any personal books. He’d never kept any, choosing instead, to give everything he read to his younger brother, Max.

Magnus liked the youngest Lightwood. He was an absolute delight who reminded Magnus of Alec in many ways. Max was so accepting and adorable. Alec’s parents didn’t really like Magnus. They ran The Institute, where Alec, Jace, and Isabelle worked. Robert and Maryse Lightwood were a bit on the snooty side. They treated Magnus, Jace’s mate, Clary, and Isabelle’s mate, Simon, significantly worse than they did their children.

They didn’t treat their children equally either.

Jace was golden. The Lightwoods treated him as such. Max was the youngest and was beloved. Isabelle was the only girl, so she was to be protected. Alec, however, was the eldest. The Lightwoods thought that he should take care of his younger siblings. He was expected to protect them and sacrifice for them.

Isabelle had said it had always been like that. Maryse and Robert had always expected more from Alec than from Isabelle, Jace, and Max.

Magnus thought they were the worst kind of snobs. He loved Alec, but he _didn’t_ love his parents. 

Alec opened the box of nicknacks and pictures then closed it again.

 _I’ll put this up in the closet,_ he signed.

“No you won’t. This is your home now, Alexander, and you’ll put your belongings away.”

 _You don’t want my stuff clashing with yours_.

Magnus moved to him and slipped his arms around Alec’s waist. “That’s _exactly_ what I want, darling. This is _our_ home and I want _our_ things in it.” He kissed Alec. “Put your things away, Alec. Don’t think you’re not welcome here.”

Magnus wondered how often Alec had felt unwanted. Even though he’d had cancer, had nearly died as a child, Robert and Maryse Lightwood didn’t coddle him as most parents would.

Alec was a miracle. He didn’t realize it, but Magnus thanked every god that he could think of for Alec. Because he had always thought he’d be alone, Magnus never expected Alec, but now that he had Alexander Lightwood, Magnus was going to hold on to him. 

Magnus reached into the box and pulled out a trophy of a boy holding a bow with an arrow pulled back in perpetual readiness to release. He read the inscription, surprised.

 

_Alexander Lightwood_

_Archery State Champion_

_Eight to Ten Year Olds_

 

“Did you win this before or after you were diagnosed?” Magnus asked.

_Before._

Magnus looked into the box. Alec had about a dozen similar trophies.

“You’re good.”

Magnus had never seen these. Alec must have kept them put away, hidden from anyone who visited him.

_I’m okay._

“You’re magnificent, darling,” Magnus replied, pulling out another trophy, one he’d won after the cancer. “I’ve got the perfect place for these.”

Moving to the mantel over the fireplace, Magnus pulled off the modern art that, frankly, he didn’t even like, but it had been a gift and he felt obligated to display it, and placed the first trophy on it. “I want them here so I can see them everyday.”

Turning, Magnus saw the blush high on Alec’s cheekbones. He smiled. “Why is it so hard to believe that you’re so amazing?”

 _I’m just me_.

"Yes, darling. And that’s what makes you so amazing.”

The blush deepened.

“Come, Alexander. I think we need to christen your new home properly.”

Magnus took Alec’s hand and led him into the bedroom, where Alec’s clothing boxes were stacked, and lowered him to the bed.

Magnus kissed along Alec’s jawline, his hand running over Alec’s rock hard chest. If he could, Alec would have groaned. Magnus was getting really good at reading Alec’s body language. Each arch. Each breath. Each move. Alec’s body was taut, hot, heavy. Magnus knew that Alec wanted him.

It was just hard to make love to someone without hearing his reaction, but Magnus had learned to use his other senses to figure out what Alec wanted and needed.

Helping Alec’s hand on the headboard. “Don’t move your hands, darling.”

Alec obeyed, but Magnus could tell that it was begrudgingly. Magnus kissed the column of Alec’s pale throat. Reaching down, Magnus unfastened Alec’s jeans, his lips never leaving Alec’s skin. Magnus slid a hand beneath Alec’s boxers, cupping the hard length of his erection, velvet over steel. 

Alec arched, but his hands never left the headboard.

With a smile, Magnus shoved Alec’s jeans and boxers off, catching them on Alec’s boots.

“Shit.”

Standing, Magnus saw the silent laughter that lit Alec’s face.

“Quiet, you.”

Alec shook with laughter that halted when Magnus closed his lips around Alec’s quivering flesh. When Alec arched, Magnus smiled to himself. Never taking his mouth from Alec’s body, Magnus removed his boots, thus clearing the obstacle to freeing Alec completely.

Magnus released Alec and kissed the hard stomach. While he rubbed Alec’s muscular thighs. Alec’s muscles rippled beneath his pale skin.

Alec’s body was as taught as a bow string and his breathing was ragged, Magnus kissed his way up Alec’s body. “Darling, you’re so perfect.”

Alec’s head rose so he could kiss Magnus as he adjusted himself to straddle Alec’s hips. He squeezed a small amount of lube on his fingers and stroked Alec’s erection.

Alec’s eyes were closed, his head thrown back in ecstasy. When Magnus lowered over him, Alec arched, sucking in a breath. Magnus knew Alec would have cried out if he had been able.

“Don’t move your hands,” Magnus ordered as he sank further down Alec’s hardness.

Alec shook the headboard roughly.

Magnus smiled and slid slowly up Alec’s erection then slowly back down.

Alec stopped breathing.

Magnus continued his torturous glide until Alec finally snapped. Slamming his hands against the headboard, Alec brought them back to Magnus’s hips. He took them in a bruising grip and guided Magnus to move quicker, to take Alec harder.

Magnus cried out and gripped himself, stroking in time with Alec’s thrusts.

Finally, Magnus's climax cascaded over him and he came on Alec’s chest and stomach. At that moment, Alec reared up and wrapped his arms around Magnus. Taking Magnus’s mouth, Alec thrust one. . . two. . . three more times, then filled Magnus with his heart, his soul, his seed.

When Magnus came down from the height his climax caused, Alec still held him. He kissed Magnus’s face, ran fingers through his midnight hair, and nibbled his neck.

“I love you,” Magnus murmured. 

 _I love you_ , Alec mouthed back.

 

*Day One Hundred and Twelve*

 

Max Lightwood’s birthday was a day to remember.

Magnus and Alec went to the Lightwood home in the Hampton’s for the celebration, but Magnus didn’t like it. He had fallen in love with Brooklyn as soon as he’d seen it. Brooklyn was unpretentious. It didn’t hide it’s flaws, just reveled in it’s unconventional beauty. Manhattan was too busy for Magnus; even SoHo, with its artistic flair, held no desire for Magnus. Brooklyn had felt like _home_ to Magnus. He was wealthy enough for a weekend home in the Hamptons, to move to the Upper East Side and live in a condo, but Magnus didn’t _want_ that life. 

Alec had had that life.

When they arrived, Alec took a deep breath. Before he could reach out and ring the doorbell, Magnus took his hand and turned him. “Are you all right, darling?”

Alec’s muscles rippled under Magnus’s hand. He was tense and nervous. When he shook his head, Magnus pulled him into a hug.

“What’s the matter?”

Alec signed, _I hate this house._

“Why?”

_I don’t have any good memories here._

“None? Surly you have some with your siblings.”

Alec shook his head. _We didn’t come here to have fun._

“Why did you come here?”

_To be seen. Or not._

“So you were what? Extensions of your parents? Proof of their virility?”

Alec nodded.

Magnus took a deep breath to calm himself. He took Alec’s face in his hands. “You are the most amazing thing to ever happen to me.”

Alec leaned forward and kissed Magnus just as the door opened. 

“Alexander, dear,” Maryse Lightwood said in greeting. “Why don’t you come inside.”

Alec pinkened prettily as he stepped away from Magnus. Magnus rolled his eyes as he followed Alec and his mother inside. 

Max bounded down the stairs to Alec and hugged his older brother. Magnus smiled to see the love in the little boy’s face, to see the adoration in Alec’s. Alec was so beautiful with his family, his brothers and his sister, if not his parents. 

Magnus watched his mate hug his little brother and knew, in that moment, that he wanted, _needed_ to spend his life with Alexander Lightwood.

“Alec, Max,” Robert said from the parlor entrance. “We have company. Please act with decorum.”

Alec and Max exchanged a long suffering look and followed their father into the parlor. Magnus saw in that moment the shit that the Lightwood children had dealt with. 

He somehow wanted to ensure that they didn’t ever have to deal with their parents like this again. 

“Alexander, you remember the Penhallows,” Robert said, indicating the couple in the parlor with a daughter about the same age as Alec.

Alec nodded and pulled Magnus forward. Max introduced Magnus because Alec couldn’t. 

“This is my brother’s mate, Magnus.”

“Mate?” Mrs. Penhallow asked. The daughter who had been standing there with her breath held tight, as if she were waiting for someone to drop a bomb on her, let out the breath she’d been holding. 

“Robert?” Mr. Penhallow said, questioning him.

Robert just shook his head. 

Alec looked between them, his dark eyebrows knit in confusion.

Alec was confused, but Magnus knew exactly what was going on. Robert and the Penhallows were trying to get their children together. He wasn’t sure if Miss Penhallow had found her mate or not, but he _knew_ for a fact that Robert and Maryse Lightwood greatly disapproved of their son’s mate. 

“Dad?” Max asked, feeling the tension in the room. “What’s going on?”

Magnus gripped Max’s shoulder. “C’mon, buddy. Let’s go grab your present out of my car.” 

Magnus exchanged a heated look with Robert as he led Max out of the house. Alec watched him go, confused and hurt.

Magnus would make it up to him.

“Magnus, why are my parents trying to get Alec away from you?”

From the mouths of babes. . .

“I think they’re just afraid of something different.”

“You’re not _that_ different,” Max replied, closing the door behind them.

“I’m a little different.”

“A good different,” Max argued. “You’re good for Alec. He smiles more than he ever has before. I didn’t know him when he could speak. I learned to understand him as I learned to talk. He’s always been sullen. He never smiled or. . . even _looked_ happy. Now. . . he always smiles. He _loves_ you. _You_ make him happy.  You’re his mate. He _belongs_ with you, and. . . my parents are wrong. Promise you won’t let them come between you. Alec needs you.”

Magnus stopped him with a hand on top of his dark head. “That’s not something you ever have to worry about, Maxie. I adore Alexander. He’s everything to me. I love him with everything I am. He’s a miracle; my entire life.”

Max smiled. “I’m so glad he found you, Magnus.”

“Not as glad as I am,” Magnus replied. “I’m one lucky son of a bitch.”

Max giggled. “Hurry. Let’s go rescue Alec from my parents and their matchmaking.”

Magnus ruffled Max’s hair and they did just that.

 ***

That evening, when they got home, Magnus kissed Alec’s cheek. “I love you, darling.”

Alec turned and smiled at Magnus. _I love you,_ he signed. 

“Will you do something for me, Alexander?”

Alec’s smiled remained fixed on his face, and he nodded. _Anything._

Magnus gracefully knelt down on one knee and took Alec’s hand. “Marry me, sayang.”

Alec’s blue eyes widened as he looked down at Magnus. He wasn’t expecting _that._ His breath came out in puffs, his mouth falling open.

“Come, now, darling. I need an answer.”

Alec jolted, as if he just realized that this was, in fact, real. Snapping his mouth closed, Alec nodded, his eyes filling.

Magnus smiled and stood, taking Alec in his arms and kissing him hard. Alec’s fingers slid through his hair as he kissed Magnus back. 

Magnus held Alec against him, finally happy, finally _loved_. Finally _home_. 

Sometimes the loudest things that could be said are the things that aren’t said at all. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos welcome!!


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